Old Ironsides

it’s no wonder hot pants is busily planning for the high life in the poconos. she doesn’t have a mother in law to worry about. in fact, while still a blushing bride barely married long enough to have an anniversary, her m.i.l. flew off to heaven. how well i remember what i said to her in her hour of grief. “you know, h.p., you’ve barely taken your connubial vows and here you are mourning muggin’s mother. i’ve been married to the lord & master over ten years, and his mother hasn’t so much as visited a hospital. it’s just not fair!”

and that was close to a decade ago. old ironsides is still with us at 91, complete with all her teeth, all her hair, and pair of arms strong enough to haul a chair through a window. i’m not kidding – she recently chucked a chair through a window. obviously, there’s a wee anger management issue, but last time i checked that isn’t fatal. nor is deteriorating eyesight. her heart even built its own bypass, much to her doctor’s surprise. and ours. i didn’t even know she had a heart.

while moving the battle axe from one old folks residence to a more secure spot, i.e., one where she’ll be locked in, the lord & master uncovered 20 years of bank statements, her high school diploma (sure to impress the senior set at the dinner table), and – my favorite – l & m’s bris certificate. you read that right. not his birth certificate, his bris certificate. it was a lovely affair held at home in their brooklyn apartment.

well, if nothing else, old ironsides’ iron strong constitution bodes well for the lord & master and sassafrass. that’s some powerful longevity brewing in those genes. check back with me in another ten years. i’ll let you know if i’m still blessed with a mother in law.


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