let’s not misrepresent the culinary skills of mother dear. she also charbroiled flank steak and overcooked fried hamburgers on a regular basis. life wasn’t all wishbone chicken. and nobody tossed an iceberg lettuce extravanganza better than jeanne. i’m ashamed to admit how frequently i ended a meal by drinking the leftover dressing right out of the salad bowl. and i wonder how i ended up a lifer at weight watchers.
i did find her no substitutions ever policy pretty wicked, especially on salmon croquette nights. in my household i have made 3 separate meals on a regular basis for years. jumbo one pot specials for the lord & master (hopefully lasting a few days), the slim range of acceptable items for sassafrass (hot foods only), and my usual assortment of weird combinations (can of cold niblets corn, bread & butter, chips & hummus. oh, and a salad, to be “healthy”). the best part of sassafrass’s departure for college was 1 less meal to rastle up.
luckily for our dinner guests, i can cook when i summon the energy. my best recipes have all been lovingly passed on to me by the lord & master himself. as soon as he taught me his finest meals, he promptly retired from the kitchen. it’s been so long since he’s stepped foot in there that he cannot locate a single utensil or figure out the simplest piece of equipment. even the microwave is beyond his comprehension. i don’t know whether the man is playing dumb or is actually an idiot. how can a fella with 4 advanced degrees forget how to use a can opener? and this is the same mate who’s forever insisting that for my birthday he wants to sign me up for cooking lessons for all his favorite cuisines. (meaning, all cuisines.) as if that’s a gift for me.
every time hot pants tells me of muggins’s latest delectable meal, i ask myself, where did i go wrong?