my rival wears a fur coat

you  might think by the title of this post that there is some woman out there who’s after my husband while wearing a mink stole, even in the heat of summer.

you would be wrong.

my competitor is my adored boo-boo. she is just about nine months old, and as she has gotten more and more comfortable living with muggins and me (we rescued her from the ASPCA about six months ago), i have noticed an alarming trend. when she sees muggins and i kissing (or cuddling in bed, as we like to do) she likes to be part of the action. at first she’d just shimmy up from her post at the foot of the bed to nestle between us so we could kiss her, too. “how adorable!” i thought. yeah, it’s not so adorable now. that’s because there has been a change, my friends. now when she sees me kissing muggins (or more infuriating to her, when muggins is kissing me),  she charges up at warp speed and wedges herself between us so she can put her paws on muggins’ chest and kiss him without interruption – without interruption from me, that is. That’s because her position means that her ass is right in my face.  sometimes she turns around and gifts me with a few mercy licks, but muggins is the focus of her attention. and as you know from recent posts, boo-boo’s undivided focus is a formidable thing to witness. added to this canine insult is the fact that her behind is jammed right into my nose – and this is the same tush that makes significant and daily contact with the streets and gutters of new york city.  in short, it stinks.

when i complain to muggins that i’ve been thrown over for a puppy, he just laughs. “go kiss your mother,” he urges boo-boo. But she couldn’t care less, even tho i  let her lick out my lean cuisine trays when i’m done eating and share all my club crackers with her during snack time.

you know what this means? the next time she wants to borrow my oscar de la renta little black dress, i’m gonna tell her that her tail is going to stretch it out too much.

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One response to “my rival wears a fur coat

  1. do NOT let your dog eat LEAN CUISINE and CLUB CRACKERS! she will end up at the vet getting her bladder operated on. as for her interrupting your sex life – get her right OUT – dogs crave discipline and clear lines of demarcation. she’s only a puppy now but she will turn into a monster as an adult unless you establish YOUR territory with MUGGINS.

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