Bringing up the Rear

That’s what I am doing, and proudly so, when I tell you that I am the new owner of a wonderful toilet seat, due to the fact that I cracked the one I had previously. Yeah, I cracked it. I’m not sure how or when it happened, but I immediately put buying a replacement on my to-do list and trotted over to my favorite destination, Bed, Bath and Beyond.

As I joyfully bounded through the aisles along with Muggins and Boo-boo (Boo-boo absolutely LOVES a trip to BBB cause she can stand in her Canine shopping cart with her front legs on the rim of the cart as if she is on a ship’s prow, scanning for icebergs), I remembered when our brother Andy came home from a trip to a hardware store with our father Bob on exactly such an errand about 30 years ago. Andy reported that when they entered the store, Bob collared an employee with a name tag that read “Blanche.” “Where are your toilet seats?” he asked. “In the rear,” Blanche replied. “Well, that would be the right place for it,” Bob answered, putting evidence of his Harvard BA and MBA degrees in stunning relief. As he and Andy began to make their way back to the toilet display, Blanche stopped them. “How did you know my name was Blanche?” she asked, genuinely confused. “Are you kidding? I read the NY Times,” Bob responded, wiggling his eyebrows and further flummoxing El Blanchita. 

Our trip wasn’t quite that exciting, but i LOVE my new seat with the herring-bone pattern, which was lovingly installed by Muggins. It’s a swanky spot to take a load off!

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3 responses to “Bringing up the Rear

  1. alas you conflate two Boberrific stories. Blanche was aka “Mrs. Joe” of River Edge’s Joe’s TV Repair. The bonhomie of our initial visit where we dropped off the battle weary black and white was followed rapidly by father’s frustration at the lack of progress in repairing the stalwart Sylvania, to the point where he threatened Blanche, the earlier object of his charm, with a visit from the sheriff to collect his long lost cathode tube. otherwise the tale of the terlit seat is true!

  2. One of my finest Handywoman moments was the day I installed a new toilet seat in our home. The upstairs original bathroom is all yellow, and, by gosh, we located the necessary replacement yellow toilet seat. Come to think of it, isn’t “sunshine” the perfect color for one’s toidy and its contents? Our plumber later informed me that I’d done an A-1 installation, avoiding the usual upside down screws mistakes. Proud, yes; surprised, hell, yeah!

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