I cause lines, even crowds, when I walk into all manner of retail establishments. Just the other night I wandered into the local taqueria for some dinnertime burritos. Not a soul in sight. No sooner had I placed my order than a conga of hungry customers fell in behind me.
Well, behind my behind. You see, my theory is that I possess superior posterior powers. I am the proud owner of what seems to be the world’s most welcoming, encouraging, follow-able caboose. I may have been the typical outcast in elementary school, but, heck, they didn’t dub me Wiggles for nothing. My undulating rump cannot be ignored.
And now that I’ve grown into it, shouldn’t shopkeepers, restauranteurs, struggling merchants all over town be clamoring for my services in this bum economy? Come on, stores of America, hire my ass!