Silly me, I waited 55 years to learn this simple fact. Nyquil was my drug of choice for many a moon. Oh, but now…
The Lord & Master convinced me to share an Alice B. Toklas special brownie with him. I nibbled on a wee bit. (And tracked the 2 points for Weight Watchers, mind you.) What can I say without sounding like a stoner cliche? I was ridin’ high, simultaneously flying and floating, feeling an enormous gravitational pull while enjoying the sensation of drifting in outer space. [Sassafrass Alert! Avert your eyes! Danger! Danger!] Not to mention, people: Best. Orgasm. Ever.
And on the magic carpet ride rushed. The L&M fllushed the toilet upstairs. As I listened to the whooshing cascade of the water in the pipes, I thought, isn’t that a beautiful sound? I placed a bite of food into my mouth, then paused. Do I know how to chew? I could not tell when I was speaking aloud and when only in my head. Eons passed between my words and Sassy’s on the telephone. Frankly, I don’t know how I managed to conduct that call at all.
As a scientific test, I had a second brownie a couple of days later. You know, just to see if the experience was a one time wonder or an ongoing ecstasy. Eureka! This stuff really works. Like nothing else. As our mother Jeanne’s celebrity crush Al Jolson put it, You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
Apparently, the formula for me is 1/3 brownie = 2 days lost.
The weirdest part is that Hot Pants and I grew up in a very alternative-lifestyle-friendly environment. Hey, it was the 70’s, man. Bob & Jeanne thought nothing of their offspring indulging in minor criminal drug activity, as long as they got straight A’s. Seriously, that was their sole criterion. I believe they may have had an express contract with one of our brothers on this very point. I, for some insane reason, wanted to be high on life. And sex, the natural high. No one told me. Everyone respected my wishes. What kind of Jewish guilt household fuck-up was that? Hot Pants, you got some ‘splainin’ to do.
By the way, one surefire way to get back to reality (boo! hiss!) – watch a holocaust documentary. This works. Trust me.