Just Say NO!

I recently read with horror Judith Newman’s tell-all report in the latest Allure magazine about American women and their Brazilian waxing habits.

Where do I start? As she dryly noted, an unmarried white male doctor decreed to her that members of the gentle sex should be entirely hairless in their nether regions. Really? Is this some pervy desire to see women as girls? Something you gotta do ’cause starlets do it? (And then have to wear merkins, a la Evan Rachel Wood in Mildred Pierce, gluing back in what nature intended all along.)

Even creaky old (but recently engaged) Hugh Hefner, who’s seen more than his fair share of naked lassies, thinks this is a horrifying development. Hugh, you and I agree on this, if nothing else.

What alarms me is the willingness of seemingly normal dames to line up for this abuse. The waxing, the tweezing, the – heaven help us – anal bleaching. Just because it’s “in”? I guess one of the great virtues of being an outsider most of my life is that I’m free from the peer pressure that leads otherwise sane females to commit crazy acts.

Ladies, do you want to know how to avoid ingrown hairs? Simple. Don’t yank them out in the first place. Besides, if it’s the bare look you’re after, just wait ’til menopause hits and it’ll all fall out sans any pesky regrowth, burns, or bumps.

Hmmm, in the end, this hairless look isn’t about being an underage sex object, it’s about being an old lady. Shoot, I fit in after all.

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