There’s No Safety in Numbers

As I’ve warned you all, I, Wiggles, have been let loose among the working masses. Perhaps the most alarming of my job responsibilities is that I manage the safe on Saturdays. Yup, they have seen fit to have me, who made up designs on the SAT answer sheet for the entire math section, hand out the big bucks and balance the accounts at day’s end.

My very first foray, I balanced within two bucks and change.

Boss Man:   That’s not bad.

Wiggles:       Are you kidding? It’s spectacular.

And it’s been downhill ever since. Last week, my initial go-round was off by $3,000.  Hmmm. Not good. In short order, I’d worked it down to a mere $1,500. discrepancy. And it’s stayed there all week, dammit. The good news is that my calculations purport that I handed out money that was not in the safe, which, I assume, is impossible. With numbers, who knows? Not me.

More experienced eyes than mine haven’t had any greater success unraveling this mystery. I’m just grateful I didn’t come up short the other way. For now, they’re still keeping my hand in their till.

I wonder if they’d reconsider if they knew the Lord & Master and I operate on his genius fiscal plan: The Field of Dreams Theory of Money: Spend It and It Will Come. In other words, we spend until it’s all gone.

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