If Pancake is a sweetheart full of love and giggles for one and all – just like her owner, Hot Pants – Theo is a cranky old man who’d rather eat glue that be stuffed into a costume and paraded around – just like his owner, Wiggles. H.P. and I are convinced that should these pooches ever meet, Pancake will welcome Theo with open paws, while Theo will exhibit his usual indifference and refuse to make eye contact with her. (His loss, I know. I have a problem child.)
No sooner had I placed this “costume” near him than he rose and silently clickedy-clacked his way away from the indignity of it all.
Like my growling, grumpy mongrel, I routinely tape off the front steps with a sign reading: “Handicapped Dog Inside. Do Not Ring Bell.” Then it’s lights out. I adopted this bad neighbor policy once the population seeking candy shifted to barely costumed teenagers, some with alarming degrees of facial hair. That ain’t trick or treating, that’s just bumming food.
F*!# Halloween, from Wiggles & Theo.