Wiggles Surprises Everyone By Being All Substance, No Flash

Dateline: The Foggy Grey Splendor of San Francisco

Our security system consists of being the most run down house on the block.

Hot Pants clued our dozens of followers into the yummy Katz’s Delicatessen details and even managed to slip in a snapshot of myself and The Lord & Master (shhh – don’t ever let him know his actual face has appeared on this site!).

So what have I, Wiggles, to say about the renewing of our vows? On the serious side, renewing vows was way more fun than taking them as a 32 year old basket case with the emotional sophistication of Gidget. The L&M and I dressed down, skipped the rings, and just stood together before our family and friends and told the truth. And when the truth is as beautiful as our lives, that’s powerful stuff. I have done countless stupid things in my life. But when it mattered most, I fell in love with a man so indescribably wonderful that every other aspect of my life has been bettered by our relationship. I know this is rare, and I cherish him and our life together.

Of course, I wouldn’t be Wiggles without loads of dumb moves. How is it that I didn’t learn from Sassafrass’s high school graduation that I should not appear in public wearing ivory pants? Even when they fit properly, such bulk and bumps do not look good in light colors. Apparently, I am incapable of seeing myself in a mirror. It’s all a blur, topped with makeup and jewelry. Most unsettling.

Fat & Happy. I cannot complain. But I do apologize if this burns your eyes.

Also, I must confess that my industrial strength two week old blow-out was quite the worse for wear having slogged through the worst of the Jersey summer heat and humidity. Even more startling, I managed to eke another week out of said ‘do until I finally plopped into the magical hands of Hamideh, my Hair Goddess. I maintain it’s her hair; it just happens to be on my head.

Multigenerational gorgeousness.

Allow me to close with just a heartfelt thank you to all the people who made it such a great day: Andy & Susan for letting us trash their home, Roberta for shlepping the food from NYC, Jeanne for wearing one of her snazzy new dresses and playing the piano for everyone, Tucker for being Tucker and looking more fabulous than ever while doing so, Leigh Ann and Josie and Matt for wasting their Saturday by being with us, Peter and Sue for trekking in from Chicago amid enormous challenges, and, most of all, Sassafrass for blessing us by singing “Our Love is Here to Stay,” which celebrated us as a couple and as a family.

My Immortal Beloveds [to steal a phrase from Kelly Ripa]

I promise never to be this serious again, folks!


Yes, Vows were Renewed

They came, they overate, they drank a concoction called “The Tenafly Teaser.”

Wiggles, the Lord & Master, as well as family and friends converged on our brother Andy’s house in Northern New Jersey to reaffirm their love and snarf up some corned beef.

Yup, that’s right. Corned beef – as well as Pastrami and sour pickles and tomatoes – were supplied by the one and only Katz’s of Houston Street. Here’s what the boxes looked like, piled gingerly so as not to bruise the meat – in Andy’s car.

Watch out for the Meat!

Watch out for the Meat!

You know you've made it when your name is on a box from Katz's.

You know you’ve made it when your name is on a box from Katz’s.

True to her word, Wiggles didn’t allow the word G-d to be uttered during the course of her and the L&M loving speeches to each other. They did however, mention the words “psychosis” “frisky” as well as the phrase “Two wrongs made a right” in reference to Sassy.

Here’s how they looked, post-renewal.

Let the Eating Begin!

Let the Eating Begin!

It was a wonderful time, even for a semi-cynic like myself. Everyone worked together to make it a seamlesly enjoyable get together. You know who was one of the stars of the show? Yes. that’s right – Pancake, who had grudgingly attended the grooming salon at Litter & Leashes the day before. She looked gorgeous. Check it out:

Is that a Face?

Is that a Face?

She let everyone hold her, snuggled up with Jeanne, and didn’t poop inside the house. I don’t want to say she was tired when she got home, but she slept till 9:40 this morning, which I regarded as a personal best.

There is video percolating around of some of the juicier moments – so I am looking to some others (who know who they are) to email it so it can be posted.

And of course, Wiggles will be adding her own account of the day’s events. Can’t wait to see what her top moments are.

Is 50 The New 42?

It is, if you ask my friend Amanda from the dog run. When I told her I was 50, she said she couldn’t believe it and that she thought I was in my early 40s. And it had the ring of truth when she said it! She thought I looked like this!!

It was a real shot in the arm, as Jeanne would say, because I have been feeling older….like, who are these whippersnappers they keep talking about on FASHION POLICE?  Where has my waist disappeared to? What the hell is an Icloud and can I see it from a plane?

I sorta have been feeling like this

These are just some of the questions that plague me. But at least people think I’m 42. Whoohoo!!


Pancake Meditates

I have been listening to Guided Imagery CD’s from Belleruth Naparstek, a psychotherapist, to help me sleep better. Here’s what Belleruth looks like:


Perfect, right?

So I was in bed a few nights ago listening to her CD, with one Pancake right next to me. The room was dark, Belleruth’s voice was soothing, and I was concentrating on relaxing and the lovely guitar music that was playing underneath her words. As I breathed deeper, I thought to myself, “God, I hope this works.”

A few seconds passed. Then I heard some surprisingly hardy snoring right next to me. It was from this little girl:

Little Miss Dainty can really chop wood while she sleeps!

Well at least meditation is working for someone!


Uh-oh: Someone ATE Pancake’s Ball

I took my Pancake to the dog run with a new acquistion: this wonderful mini squeaky tennis ball, perfect for her to hold in her mouth comfortably while she gets her belly rubbed, is humped, and otherwise frolics with the other hounds.

But today, that ball caused trouble.

It all began when a big old lovable lab/retriever sort whom I will call Henry went wild when he smelled Pancake’s ball. He was sweet but strong, and was nosing around us as soon as we got there. His owner was a very nice young woman who kep dragging Henry away from Pancake, who was both taunting Henry with her small prize (ie, sticking her face right in his and wagging her tail, saying, “Look what I have! And you want it but ya can’t get it!!”) and valiantly guarding it with petite woofs and growls.

But eventually Pancake got distracted by a big humper named Juicy Fruit who literally would not get off her tail –  and that’s when Henry dove in, grabbed the ball – and swallowed it.

The collected dogs and owners went crazy. The owner was pissed and told me that Henry had swallowed balls before and would probably poop it out – but that I shouldn’t have brought out a little ball at the dog run where there are lots of big boys. I suppose she has a point and I did feel terrible. But shouldn’t she have better control over her dog? He was the only one chasing after the `Cake.

Is it just me?




Pancake Comes to The Office

The `Cake Comes to Work

On a quiet Friday afternoon, Miss Pancake came to the office with me. As you might imagine, no work was conducted once her little paws hit the industrial carpet of our office on 3rd Avenue. She was the object of so much attention and so many impromptu photo sessions, it was practically a coup!

She had a great time and I was very proud. But when we came home, we both passed out from the excitement.

Here she is at her 15 minute internship in the Photo Department. She is editing film.